“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.” ~ Prime Minister, Love Actually

Merry Christmas :-)

While it’s not a new topic, there has been renewed talk about bullying in the #p2 community on Twitter recently. Why? Because there’s a group of people hyper focused on “exposing” a very dear friend of mine, @Shoq. Shoq is a name many in the Twitter political community are familiar with, and I’m sure the mere publication of this post will bring about cries of “SHOQ PUPPET!” “TROLL!” “MANSON GIRL!” “FLYING MONKEY!” “CULTIST!!”, etc. A small, but dedicated, group of Shoq haters will launch into action to make sure everybody understands that I’m ONLY writing this because I’m one of Shoq’s minions and you should totally write off anything I say forever and ever because only Fox News they know the *real* truth.

Seriously. Wait for it. You think I’m kidding? Just RT this and see what happens. Oh, this post will set them off for DAYS (at least).

The Shoq Deranged have been pushing the narrative that Shoq is a ZOMG BULLY WHO TARGETS WOMEN!!!!! for at least the last year. Some of them have been doing it for even longer. I’m very aware of the reasons why, and while the details will be available elsewhere soon, my focus is on talking about the behavior of these people and how what they’re doing has become acceptable to many. Apparently if you’re Shoq and you get into a heated argument with someone on Twitter, or you call out the Shoq Deranged on their behavior, you are automatically labeled a bully. But if you’re Shoq Deranged, and spend a substantial amount of time talking negatively about Shoq, harassing his followers and people he engages with, spreading rumors of unsubstantiated claims of bullying and harassment, trying to misrepresent his criticisms of dishonest and hyperbolic media coverage as “proof” that he’s a Super Secret Republican Operative, or madly retweeting creepy websites that have been set up to “expose” him, well…that’s just a public service!

You know what this tells me? So long as you don’t like the target, most are willing to turn a blind eye to the people engaging in this behavior. Let’s take a moment to get an idea of what bullying, and specifically cyberbullying, actually is.

From StopBullying.gov:

Although definitions of bullying vary, most agree that bullying involves:

• Imbalance of Power: people who bully use their power to control or harm and the people being bullied may have a hard time defending themselves
• Intent to Cause Harm: actions done by accident are not bullying; the person bullying has a goal to cause harm
• Repetition: incidents of bullying happen to the same the person over and over by the same person or group

Cyberbullying, instead of happening face-to-face, happens through the use of technology such as computers, cell phones and other electronic devices.

Examples of cyberbullying include:

• Sending hurtful, rude, or mean text messages to others
• Spreading rumors or lies about others by e-mail or on social networks
• Creating websites, videos or social media profiles that embarrass, humiliate, or make fun of others

Bullying online is very different from face-to-face bullying because messages and images can be: 

• Sent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
• Shared be shared to a very wide audience
• Sent anonymously

The Bullfuckery

OHAI! Crazy, huh? Naturally, the Shoq Deranged will cherry-pick some tweets or other artifacts from Shoq as PROOOOOOOOF!!!!!!!! that Shoq is a cyberbully. Color me psychic, this will happen. In response, I offer the following:

• A snapshot of the Shoq Deranged – tweets just from the last week.
• Beccay2 and themanknownasx Must Warn Van Jones!!!
• Beccay2 claims to be hacked…again (She’s cried wolf before, you see. Oh, and here too.)
• Another Sockpuppet – HankChinaskiBuk
• _JGR is Shoq Deranged – and a Truther
• They’re baaaaaack! Return of the Shoq and ABL-Obsessed Trolls
• No proof required, eh Veritas333?
• The End of Veritas333
• ZOMG! Shoq is a bully! (But I can’t prove it.)
• The timeline of the obsessive psycho, @2Deforcer2 and an even earlier grab of when 2Deforcer2 first showed up on the scene.
• Trolls Here, Trolls There, Trolls ERRRRRYWHERE
• When You Can’t Argue Just Obfuscate
• Analysis With some Shoq and Dawg
• Responses to Analysis With Some Shoq & Dawg
• Miaaculpa
• NadiaArt2 (formerly Nadia_Arts and several other names over time)
• The Eclipse of Logic
• Insanity Now
• When Will People Man Up?
• Liars, and Fables, and Smears – Oh My!

Or how about all the anonymous sockpuppet accounts that are set up just to harass Shoq and his followers? Like Shmuq, or Croq_, or ShoqAnon? Or conspiracy theories about deliberately circumventing Twitter’s block feature?

Or the baseless accusations of Shoq’s bullying, never accompanied by any proof:

• WTF did Shoq “do” to GottaLaff…exactly? (and Manyko2 later admitted to me in DMs that he’s never seen the evidence of this bullying. I don’t make a habit of publishing DMs, but if he ever denies the conversation I’ll take it as permission to publish the evidence.)
• And the same crap from Beccay2 (formerly Rebeccay):

Evidence? Pffft! Who needs that?!?!

Or what about allegations that Shoq is a pedophile? Tweeted and retweeted here, here, and here. Notice ShoqAnon’s threats to harass people who follow Shoq in that first link?

This shit is not normal. What if it were happening to YOU? Would that be okay?

I ask you, who is doing the cyberbullying? If your answer is “Oh, it’s still Shoq”, then I can’t help you. You’re Shoq Deranged. To others who are rational and can see beyond to the bigger picture, I say this: You don’t have to like the guy – I’m not trying to change your mind – but I’m trying to point out that there is some truly fucked up stuff going on here, and you’re probably sitting back with popcorn. Everybody has the right to dislike someone. People talk smack, and that’s okay too. But what’s going on here is not okay. Not in the slightest. There are thousands of people who don’t see Shoq the way the Shoq Deranged see him – his follower count supports that. A majority of Shoq’s followers have been following him on Twitter (and many of them pre-Twitter) for years, and have never witnessed the type of behavior claimed by the Shoq Deranged. So who to believe? I can’t make up your mind for you, but I know who I’m standing by.

Why do I care about this so much? Because my life is affected by these assholes too. These same people have harassed me, they’ve harassed my friends, spread rumors about me, questioned my very existence, and generally just pissed me the fuck off. There are days when I ignore it, days when I laugh about it, days when I can’t even believe what I’m seeing, and days when I pity those involved because only people with truly empty lives and low self-esteem would engage and encourage this harassment. But mostly, I’m just not going to sit back and watch them push this false narrative about my friends, all the while ignoring their hypocrisy and making their fake proclamations of “kindness” and “peace” and “unity”. The Shoq Deranged keep this shit going, and when Shoq or those affected respond, we’re accused of bullying. Fuck that mess.

ALL of this shit involves the same players. You go through the chirpstories and the followers and retweeters of these anonymous sockpuppet accounts, and you see the same faces. The same connections between certain people. It’s not a coincidence, it’s a deliberate and concentrated smear campaign.

There is so much more I could add to this post. There are so many other issues I could discuss. But others have covered it, or are in the process of covering it. I will probably include additional chirpstories and screenshots over time, but right now I don’t see the need.

What the Shoq Deranged are doing is not normal.

Let me say that again.

What the Shoq Deranged are doing is not fucking normal.

If you don’t like Shoq (or anyone who compels you to behave this way, for that matter): don’t follow, block, ignore. It’s really that simple.

I’ve always considered my ability to compartmentalize and emotionally disengage one of my strengths. It has certainly helped me deal with some devastating situations my life.

I am far more Piscean than I care to admit (I’m actually not admitting it right now, it’s the internet balls talking and I am therefore absolved from all accountability). The stereotype that I have rejected for all of my 31 years is one of unrealistic expectations, impossible emotions, and magic. I have vehemently argued that my feet are firmly planted on the ground and my head is screwed on the right way. For the most part, that’s true. I wear my cynicism and humor on my sleeve, but I can’t possibly put my heart there because that’s just asking for trouble. (I know, I know…bitterness is unattractive. Work with me here). I have embraced practicality as some kind of refuge from what I am at my core – a dreamer in search of fairytale love. There, I said it.

I can pinpoint the exact moment that my heart was broken. I was 21 years old and I was at the international arrivals gate at Tullamarine airport in Melbourne, Australia. The story leading up to that moment is too painful, so I’ll cut to the chase: I waited at that arrivals gate until the cleaners started polishing the floors. I saw the pity in their eyes. My heart turned to stone that day. It seems dramatic, but that’s what it felt like. I set that moment in a block of concrete, and threw it into a river. And the lump that I have in my throat right now is purely coincidental. It’s probably allergies.

I can honestly say that year was one of the worst of my life. I didn’t just sink into depression, I plummeted. I was an emotional train wreck. I filled the emptiness with more emptiness. I kept the soul-shattering disappointment of that day at the airport pushed so far down, I became cold and hard. Well, I pretended to be cold and hard (you’re still supposed to be working with me, remember?). Actually I have spent the last ten years absolutely terrified at the thought of ever having to go through that again. I am strong, but I will admit that there were times when it almost destroyed me.

For a decade, I was comfortable accepting the idea that I would never again find what I once had. I’m not comfortable with it anymore.  The question is how should you cross a raging river? Do you do what’s expected and walk across the bridge you know is safe? Or do you hold your nose, jump in and trust that wherever the torrents take you is where you were supposed to go in the first place?

It’s a good thing Pisceans love the water.

For a number of reasons that don’t need to be included in this post, I don’t talk to either one of my brothers. So when my mother called about a month ago and asked if I’d fly home for my brother’s wedding, I politely declined and said I didn’t have any vacation time. Apparently he’s pissed off with me. I should feel bad, but I don’t. My brother is marrying a woman he’s been with for years, and they already have four kids together. I’m glad he’s finally getting around to putting a ring on it, but considering he never so much as burped in my general direction when I got married…well. I just find it really difficult to give a shit about celebrating his life choices when he hasn’t given a damn about mine, ever. When I left the country, nothing. When I got married, nothing. When I separated from my husband, nothing. Suddenly he’s getting married and he wants me to fly home? Fuck off.

Besides my general feeling of not caring, his wedding coincides with when I’ll be officially filing for divorce. So forgive me, but I don’t feel like attending a wedding at that time. And alone, no less. What makes this whole thing worse, is that my mother is helping my future sister-in-law with all her wedding preparations. My sister-in-law’s mother died earlier this year, so I’m glad my mother is there for her, but it hurts to hear about it. My husband and I eloped, so I never got to do all the dress shopping and the planning stuff with my mother. I guess I feel jealous? I don’t know. I mostly just feel sad. I’m being an asshole. My sister-in-law needs my mother much more than I do right now.

Anyway. So that’s happening.

Sigh.

My response, word-for-word, was this:

“Hi Emily

Jessica (@vdaze)”

Naturally, this is how POLITICO presents it:

“The core of active Obamabots is small, prolific and rather secretive. Three members in this group — who write on Twitter under the handles @JeffersonObama, @Pnthrgrlgail and @vdaze — declined to be interviewed but play roles similar to those of Shoq and Gandy.”

*blinkblink*

LOL

Rubbish.

The “beef” that I, and many I identify with most closely, have with much of the criticism being pitched at Barack Obama is simply that it is not constructive. Each time a decision is made that is not whatever enough for The Best Progressives, the knee-jerking, the hysteria, and the hyperbole is *immediately* turned up to eleven. The past week is a perfect example, with ScheduleGate and OzoneNationalAmbientAirQualityStandardsGate. Or whatever we’re calling it.

The Obama Administration provided explanation on both of these items. ScheduleGate is not a big deal. It’s just not. As for OzoneEtcGate, the letter from Cass Sunstein to the EPA on the air quality standards decision is a particularly important read. I’m not a policy wonk, I don’t claim to understand every detail of this issue, but I understand enough to know my hair shouldn’t be on fire over it. The explanation in the letter makes sense to me. Part of my job has me working within the confines of regulatory cycles and individual rule issuance. I can attest wholeheartedly to the confusion and headaches caused by conflicting regulations and rules that are put in place as a result of poor planning and shitty governance.  It makes compliance impossible, it creates unnecessary risk, and more often than not winds up costing a lot of money. Effective planning and governance means making the right decisions at the right times to encourage the right behaviors and appropriate accountability. I repeat: my hair is not on fire over this issue.

So here’s the frustration: stuff happens, and The Best Progressives are immediately thrown into a tizzy. Fueled by a toxic combination of media talking points, visceral outrage, and a deep insecurity that we’ve all been suckered by a Republican plant by the name of Barack Obama, the pitchforks come out.

Obama caved!

Obama is just like Bush!

Obama needs a spine!

Obama needs to act like a real Democrat!

Obama doesn’t deserve to be reelected!

Obama is betraying me personally the base!

Palin was right – Obama doesn’t have any executive experience!

(Oh…sorry about that last one. I don’t know how that made its way in there.)

Those familiar with the IT industry may have heard of the Gartner Hype Cycle. I know, I know – just bear with me on this, I promise I have a point. The Hype Cycle has five phases, and even though it’s supposed to be about new technology, the same shit applies…

I choose not to be sucked in to the hype cycle. I choose to pick my battles. It’s not about excusing and rationalizing away everything the President does or doesn’t do. It’s about keeping my criticism constructive and applicable, and keeping people motivated to vote in 2012. As I said yesterday, Obama is all that’s standing between us and the total cray-cray of the GOP – that’s particularly true if we can’t take back the House and we also lose the Senate.

There’s a big difference between “He still has my vote, but I wish Obama pushed more on [issue]” and “Fucking Obama caved again! He has no fucking spine!”

This hysterical and hyperbolic criticism of the President on every single thing that happens has consequences. Never mind that it does the work of the Right for them. It demotivates Democratic voters, it confuses and discourages independent and swing voters, it fosters a kind of ideological purity that shuts down productive dialogue and limits our ability to develop solutions. We can’t solve all the problems in the way or in the timeframe we’d probably like to, but that shouldn’t stop progress.

And that’s what progressives are about, right?

Right.

I mean, just…seriously?! You’re starting this dumb shit again that I don’t actually exist and I’m just a Shoq sock account? Do you EVER fucking learn?

This bullfuckery is just comical. When all else fails, just start spreading the rumor I’m not a real person, eh? I hope you’ve got some kickass evidence to back up your asshattedness. I really didn’t think you could make yourself look even more stupid than you already do…congratulations, I guess.

Now run along and protect your tweets, you fucking coward.

This account is OBVIOUSLY some asshole pretending to be @My1BlueEye. I know @My1BlueEye. He is a thoughtful, friendly, generous man and FUCK YOU if you are saying anything different.

FUCK YOU if you are spreading rumors about him. FUCK YOU if you’ve decided that because you don’t like him, tweeting bullshit like this is okay:

The people harassing and smearing @My1BlueEye are sick, twisted, fucked up individuals, and I hope you get everything that’s coming to you. Oh, and further: don’t fucking try and recruit me to your psycho smear campaign.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Leave me the hell alone. Leave @My1BlueEye the hell alone.

For fuck’s sake.