Virtual Daze

Last night, I tweeted this and this.

I don’t like oversharing about relationships in the public space generally, but I really hate it when things go bad. I’ve found myself “hiding” Facebook status updates, and unfollowing Twitter friends more and more lately because of it. It’s something that gets under my skin, and something I feel really, really strongly about.

Social networking sites can be a great place to blow off steam, discuss feelings, and ask opinions on anything and everything. However, when it comes to personal relationships, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Many of you know that I’m married, but only very few of you know I’m legally separated. My husband and I made the decision to go our separate ways late last year. Those close to me know the details, and I’ve certainly mentioned or alluded to my status change publicly in my Twitter stream. It’s not a secret by any means, but the details of it are, quite frankly, none of your damn business.

Ending my marriage has been a painful, raw, and terrifying experience. The reasons leading up to it were no different. Throughout the entire ordeal (and even in happier times), I have refrained from posting negative things about my husband, and I will continue to refrain.

I’m not suggesting people shouldn’t share their feelings. Just that there’s a way to do it, and there’s a way not to do it. I recently read the blog of a Twitter friend that walked readers through the breakdown of her marriage in detail. You could feel her pain in every word, but she never held her husband up as the “bad guy”. I just wish more people would consider dialing it back, whether you’re breaking up or breaking down. You never really know who’s following you online (particularly if your Twitter profile is public), and I would be so ashamed of myself if a mutual friend – or worse, my husband – ever saw me belittling or vilifying him.

No matter what happened between us, I have never forgotten that at one point I loved my husband enough to marry him – and that means something to me. My husband is a good man, and I’m not going to pretend he isn’t just because he’s not the right man for me. I feel that publicly disparaging him (even if I’d said the same words to his face) would say more about me than it would about him. Therefore, my choice is to continue treating what we once had with the dignity it deserves.

Thank you.

*steps down from soapbox*

You’re right. It is.

I’ve been dealing with your type my whole life. You’re the girl who whispered about the bookish girl, the emo girl, the chubby girl, the sporty girl, the prettier girl, or even just the girl who didn’t acknowledge your self-professed awesomeness. You’re the girl who started rumors, hinted at scandal, and just outright lied to others in order to be at the center of the popular circle.

And for a time, it worked. You pranced around and you gave fake kisses and hugs to everyone. You convinced people you were just the nicest girl in the world. People willingly did your bidding. Nobody dared speak out against you for fear of being ostracized.

Then it stopped working. Maybe you were caught in a lie, or maybe someone took the time to sit down with the bookish girl and ask if what you had been telling everyone was really true. Or maybe once high school was over, your Best Friends Forever stopped returning your phone calls. People grew up, moved on, and realized that you were nothing more than a legend in your own mind.

I didn’t like your type in high school, and I don’t like your type now.

You say things like “if you only knew what I know,” “you have no idea how bad it really is,” or “I just want to be left alone.” You convince people you’re a victim.

I have no doubt you will see this blog post. Not because you give a shit about my blog. It’s not widely read. I’m just someone with a small following on Twitter.

You will see this blog post because someone will alert you to it. A member of your clique, perhaps. Or someone asking if you happen to know who it’s about since you’re soooo popular and everyone tells you everything. Or you may learn about it because someone realizes that it’s actually about you and they want to make sure you see it.

You’ll see it because you’re paranoid. People who live in a house of cards have to be.

People are coming forward with what they know, little by little. They’re becoming increasingly uncomfortable that you’re accusing someone of serious things and you have absolutely no evidence. They’re wondering if conversations they’ve had with you in confidence will mysteriously become known to others, or if things they’ve said will end up in bizarre anonymous emails. They’re realizing this has been nothing more than a deliberate smear because YOU can’t move on.

Most rational people will participate in silly, inconsequential gossip. But you may have noticed those same people tend to distance themselves when they realize what you’re doing. They have started to piece together that you’re using them. You’re using them to spread your poison, to find out information on your behalf, to continue your obsessive, irrational, baseless mean girl campaign.

Of course, there are those in your clique who will continue to stand by you. Some are just pretending to be your friend because they’re using you like you’re using them. Some don’t like the person you’re doing this to so they say nothing. Some just believe every word you say because they trust you. I hope for their sake they realize sooner rather than later that you don’t have an ounce of integrity.

If you were even half the person you claim to be, you would tell the truth about what you’ve been doing. But we both know the truth would completely destroy your reputation, so you will continue on this path. Perhaps you’ll even double your efforts. If your skin is so thin that you cannot even withstand the occasional critique or sarcastic remark, perhaps you need to find another hobby. To suggest that this type of thing is “harassment” or “stalking” is absurd, and people are figuring it out.

This type of thing has a habit of coming full-circle, with little help from anything other than your own behavior. The mean girls do win sometimes. Maybe you’ll finally get the attention and celebrity that you seem to so desperately (and publicly) crave. Of course, it will be for all the wrong reasons.

And you deserve everything that’s coming to you.

I’m loathe to write an entry on this, but fuckit – we’ll do it live.

I don’t care that Anthony Weiner sent pictures of his crotch / chest / girly arms / navel lint / whatevah to women on the internet. He’s not the first to do it, and he won’t be the last. The fact that Weiner likes to get randy online does absolutely nothing to change my opinion that he’s fundamentally a good person with political views that largely align with my own.

At this point, it’s not clear if Weiner broke any laws, but if he has then I believe he should be punished appropriately. It won’t surprise me in the least if the House Ethics Committee finds he used government resources to participate in these online interactions, if not exclusively, then at least partially. Weiner messed up. Spectacularly.

Should Weiner resign? As I tweeted on Monday, unless Weiner is shown to have broken the law, his wife and his constituents will make the call. At some point the damage from this situation may become too much of a liability (for Weiner and the Democratic Party), and it may make more sense for Weiner to step down. It’s a difficult thing to assess in the immediate aftermath of such an embarrassing and cringe-worthy event.

I hate that Anthony Weiner lied to cover up what he did. I just hate it. But I also have a hard time with those ready to string him up in Times Square and crotch-punch him until we feel he’s sorry enough and deserves to continue living among the suddenly-and-conveniently-very-self-righteous. The Logical Fallacy Brigade has come out in force about Weiner, shouting from the Twitter hills that because he lied this time, Weiner must be lying about everything. How can we possibly trust him? To Times Square for the public crotch-punching! *sounds trumpet*

To these people I say get a grip.

I have no doubt Weiner considered the damage this situation would do to his political career, but I don’t believe for one second that this was the main driving force behind his initial story that he was hacked. Weiner lied because he was busted doing something that could destroy his marriage, and completely humiliate him and the woman he loves. Did he wish he was never caught? Of course. But for anyone who has been busted doing something their significant other wouldn’t approve of, get off your high horse and just admit that trying to cover up your guilt was the first thing that crossed your mind. Weiner tried to do that, and he failed miserably. He will have to live with the consequences.

Stop trying to pretend you’re above human nature, and give the guy a fucking break. Weiner lied, he’s not a full-time liar.